Watching the Sky Today

I don't remember every detail of this day one year ago, but I remember the stunted breaths I was taking as I waited for the news that would come down, down like an anvil, on my heart...on many hearts.  


I remember the moment when I exhaled the tears of a profound sorrow on a long drive home. 

It was a crushing blow to the soul for the third time in less than 2 years.  But...mine "was not to reason why."

My long hug for an adopted sister will have to wait for its first warm delivery until I reach the gates of Heaven. E'en so, Lord Jesus, quickly come.

Somehow, I just know she will be right there to meet me, because somehow...in the passage from suffering to glory...Heaven has revealed every morsel of love to her that ever was hers...hers even when she didn't know it. 

Her every moment in eternity is love, and no doubt she worships the One who is Love...carrying my prayers to our Father...presenting them to Him like incense in golden bowls.

Learning to joy over the reality that she no longer needs my prayers...though I surely need hers...is   s  l  o  w   work. But I honor her beautiful freedom each day, as I kneel before the Lord and receive the new mercies with a grateful heart...trusting Him to help me recognize them.

And as I take those first steps out of bed each morning, even with a heart that cannot help wishing to be where she is...in Glory...I commit anew to Love.

I covenant again with the Father to feed His sheep, to love the outcasts, to let Him change me.

...to comfort the broken in heart and spirit...to reach out to the lost...to accept His sacrifice...to allow His healing...to welcome His ways...to walk fearlessly into the pits of darkness and rejection in order to love and serve the wounded...to enjoy being last...to suffer long with the downcast...to speak love to the angry...to stand bold against the lies of the enemy...and oh...oh...to ever care for and pray for her children and family...

all because of one precious, now eternally glorious, beautiful, beautiful bird.

And so I breathe and vow...

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

- Emily Dickinson

I watch the sky for falling manna...breadcrumbs of grace.

Read Choosing to See
Mary Beth Chapman's book about
her grief journey after the death of her
daughter.  Here's one of Mary Beth's
bread crumbs of grace.